The other day I was telling someone how “if I ever wrote a love poem it would turn out to be a comedy poem”, which triggered my memory of this. After about 5 minutes of Google Docs rummaging, I found the rap battle (who the hell knows why??) me and my friend Daniel wrote for Year 9 English. If memory serves, we used W2S’ Diss Track as our beat (and if you listen carefully, as the inspiration for some of our rhyme schemes). This was one of the best ‘presentations’ I’ve ever been a part of, so I think surely deserves a spot on the blog.

  • bold = ‘Sit Down Romeo’ (me, Paris’ POV)
  • italic = ‘Paris Exposed’ (Daniel, Romeo’s response)

Lyrics

You can’t commit

(So) don’t say I got no girls … You hypocrite

You’re so pretentious, stop throwing fits

All of Verona knows, your lovelife is in the pits

You liked Rosaline … but did she like you

No, when I asked her, she said wait who?



Yeah I showed my girl but where’s yours

Oh thats right I’m the guy she prefers

Never been in a fight never seen someone so weak

Does a girl really want a guy that squeaks

Paris you’re nothing compared to me

Just stop talking I beg I plee



I got the wealth, and the brains, where’s your degree

Whoops I forgot, your brain’s the size of a pea

You said I can’t rap … your lines are just so weak

I’m having trouble hearing you, just go and take a seat

If you think that you’re rich, you must be mad

All of your money, came from your own dad

Romeo you got banished, how did do that

Just scurry away, you slimy little rat



I’m not book smart I’m street smart what about you

Your a lil snake you belong in the zoo

Your a prime example of a one sided love

Your the kind of guy a girl would want to get rid of

At least I got the looks what about you

You look pretty wack you know it’s true

Is money the only thing that you got

Alright I’ll stop time to tie the love knot

Oh wait that’s right you got rejected

For me I’m the reason you got neglected



You said you were a good man, but I think that’s all crap

You jumped girls faster, than you learnt how to rap

You threw a temper tantrum, and guess what you did

That’s right you killed Tybalt, you moody little kid



Stop saying stuff about the age of my chick

It’s just I’m the one she actually chose to pick

You got rejected before she even met you

Guess she heard about that terrible view

Dont answer back it’s hard to follow

You cant spit fire all you do is you swallow



To Juliet’s parents, you haven’t showed your face

So talk to them first, you little disgrace

You’re a pathetic slug, shame on the Montagues

Your flow is worse, than a train wreck in glue

Little girls Romeo, you’re a better guy

Juliet’s 13, here comes the F.B.I.!

[Cue FBI open up and watch as the crowd goes nuts]